July 30, 2010

Shit jobs I've had and the assholish behaviour I have exhibited whilst doing them

Ages 16-18 McDonalds:
I won't lie, I learnt alot of responsibility from this job. I also acted like a complete child. But then they hire teenagers and treat them like they are at school, so what do they expect? I volunteer to be a party clown on Saturdays. I dress up and look like a dickhead, run around with kids all day long, put on 5kgs from eating ice cream cake and am guaranteed never to work a Friday or Saturday night. It's pretty sweet (I have no shame. I'm still balleting at this point). We run scams to give friends free food; we run scams to feed ourselves free food; we make elaborate stories to skip out on shifts; I tell a customer to go fuck herself; I get a warning for talking to much (see above, treating us like we are at school). My mum gags when she picks me up from the smell on my uniform. I slam my thumb in the giant freezer handle and bleed all over the kitchen. I make life long friends and vow never to feed my children this shit.

Ages 18-20 Tertiary education institution:
My kind-of-MIL (we've never gotten married) gives me a job as an office trainee. I learn the art of pilfering office supplies and the joys of the internet. She has me run personal errands for the family and I sort of want to kill her for it. I have a total douche bag fired for sexual harassment after he tells me about the sexual activities of he and his wife. I make friends with lots of other bored office admins and start Friday afternoon drink sessions that get incredibly messy. My and my fellow admin-partner-in-crime mess with the office asshole who has OCD. We take great joy in touching all his things when we are talking to him and rearranging everything in his office ever so slightly when he is away. Dude is a fuck wit and totally deserves it.

20-21 Government regulated department that ambulates sick people:
I type case notes all day and become fascinated with the medical information within them. I make friends with the only other person as young as me and we go to a place that has half-price drinks on a Tuesday and drink our lunch. I wonder why I never thought of working half pissed before, it's much more fun. I learn that 30 women within close proximity is about 25 too many. The hormonal bullshit that occurs kind of makes me hate all womankind. I take great delight in messing with the drug addicts that ring up screaming about a bill for an ambulance they didn't even want.

21-25 back at tertiary education institution in the arts area:
Working at a funky new campus with a performing arts sector and a visual arts sector. The students are so much fun, alot of my friends are studying here at this time and the other lower level admin staff are lovely ladies who also become life-long friends. The higher level admin people, in particular the manager, are completely fucked. They suck big time. In my first week I am tricked into doing the managers job, that I'm underwhelming unqualified for, whilst she goes on holidays. I make it a point to make her life a misery for the next 4 years once I find out. I smoke bongs with the students up on the roof, gossip with the gay music theatre boys and get screamed at by queens who think they should be winning Oscars and Tony's but are instead stuck teaching. I see way too many naked people - the life drawing studio has no blinds and they decide not to get any seeing as though me and cece are they only people that can see in there. Thanks. To save money they try to fire me. They ask every staff member if they have any complaints with me. There are none. I have them reprimanded by the union, find another job, give them no notice and shred my work before I walk out the door. Bridges? Burnt.

25 Private hospital for like 5 minutes:
I'm still really curious about working in the medical field. I take an admin job at a hospital thinking it will be awesome. It's not. The women are so "cliquey". Some of them are total bogans and actually a bit scary. I'm late to work one day and fired on the spot. I later find out that it's because some chick who worked there from age 16-30 left, got a job in a completely different field, hated it and wanted a job back at her comfort zone. I scream bloody murder once I find out. 6 months after I leave the department they work in is bought out by a company and run independently. The new managers hate them all so much they are all fired. I laugh when I find out. I get an application from one of them at my new job. I take great delight in ringing her back and pretty much telling her to go fuck herself.

25-28 Manager of small investment company:
I've never worked somewhere small before and it's a family owned business. They are associated with a larger parent company in Melbourne (still in the family) and I get to go down alot which is fun. One of my bosses is totally sweet and old school. I go out of my way to help him and like bossing him into line. My other boss is a christian, conservative nut job and I take great joy in messing with him. He spends 4 years trying to convince J and I to get married. J stops coming to work events so that I won't lose my job. One day he said something particularly offensive and then asked me to make up some stationary for his church. I design a gay pride motif, this goes straight over his head and is sent to all his followers or what ever you call them. On Charles Darwin's birthday I buy a cake. He's not happy about it. We have bi-annual admin meetings in Melbourne that are all my idea and are basically drink fests. All the other admins get free trips from all over the country and it costs the company a fortune. It's the best fun ever. Most Friday's our bosses leave at lunch. In 4 years we do absolutely no work on a Friday afternoon EVER. I sit in my office and feel sick when I think about the future. Sitting here for the rest of my working life gives me anxiety. I secretly apply and get into uni. The day I tell my (dickhead) boss he is so shocked he is speechless .. and then "I thought you were about to tell me your quitting to have kids". I hate him just a little bit more. The tone implies that he doesn't think I can do it.

I do it.

July 20, 2010

um ...

Oh yeah, I forgot about this thing!

I did so much writing about me feeeeeeeeeelings for Spirituality that I couldn't bear the thought of writing any more. I passed though! just. I probably shouldn't have, but I think the lecturer liked me. Distinctions for everything else though. Noice. I've been working full time when I should have been on a 4 week mental health placement but they're weren't enough to go around. Next time Gadget, next time.

I'm still not pregnant! We're still broke! I still hate my job! The wine helps though .. mmm it sure does.

February 18, 2010

See that little black cloud over there? Well it's headed this way!

AC/DC were amazing and I have a post floating round in my head about how much fun my family is but this is weighing on me more. Why have a blog if you can’t spew self-indulgent rubbish all over the internet? Exactly!


Ever since I can remember I’ve wanted kids. I love kids, I love babies. I really enjoyed my younger sisters when they were babies (7 years younger than me). J was pretty adamant that he didn’t. But then I guess a lot of young guys are. A few years ago he decided kids wouldn’t be that bad. There was no coercing, no real discussion really (not like with marriage, where we discussed and realised we both thought it was pretty stupid and we didn’t want to). It kind of just came about. Still I was pretty shocked and worried when I accidentally got pregnant in April last year. I’d just started uni, was only working part-time. J was having a pretty icky depressive episode and wasn’t working very much either. Actually to be quite honest I freaked. the. fuck. out. I told him I thought I might be pregnant and he just sat around and waited outside the bathroom while I .. well you know .. peed on stuff. When I opened the door and showed him the line I started hyperventilating. I had to lie down on the bathroom floor (eww. I hadn’t cleaned it haha). And he made some stupid joke that I can’t even remember and even though I was freaking I knew that we would be ok. I was only 6 weeks. We held off till 8 and then started telling people. I couldn’t help myself. He thought we should wait a little bit longer. And then 10 weeks and I started to cramp …

One D&C and the burning realisation that I really want a baby later, we decided not so much to try but just not actively prevent it happening again. Yeah, I got pregnant a month and a half later. We were excited but nervous. And before we even got around to telling our parents (which we had agreed would be the only people we told for a while) I got a pain in a really specific area on the left side of my abdomen. I can still remember it. I dragged myself out of bed that morning for a 9am biology lecture. It was about female hormones. When exam time rolled around last October I still couldn’t look at the notes for that lecture. We’d been studying all week about the minuet details of reproduction. How that achy crampy feeling you get at about 5-6 weeks is actually the ligaments of your pelvis doing stretchy, hormoney stuff. And I was sitting there kind of subconsciously thinking “yep that’s happening” till I had the horrifying realisation that I had an achy, crampy feeling alright but it was only in one bloody spot and it wasn’t where my uterus was.


I don’t believe this. Someone just came in the office and told my boss (oh, haven’t I mentioned it? She’s my MOTHER IN LAW) that they are pregnant.

If you’ll excuse me I’m going to plead sick and go home and drink a bottle of wine. I’ll finish this tomorrow.

February 10, 2010

Arriba, arriba!

I was drooling over burritto's on Suburban Bliss when I realised that I think I have a bit of an issue here.

Saturday - Soft shell tacos
Saturday night - nachos, homemade guac
Monday - more nachos (those Mission White Corn Tortilla Strip Chips are the devil), some corn
Tomorrow night - Dinner at mexican restaraunt
Friday - Very fun, bad influence family drinks so no doubt I will drink waaaayyy too many Coronas (their current beer of choice)

I've started the couch to 5k and doing plenty of exercise at the minute but man alive!! Summer means mexican food for J and I. It's kind of our thing. Bring on the cold weather!!

February 8, 2010

Love the Beast

I watched Revolutionary Road last night. I haven't read the book, but jez-a-lou it left me feeling icky. The ending is pretty brutal. The movie isn't bad (I heart Kate) it's just one of those movies that leaves me feeling .. what exactly? Perhaps anxious? Heart thumpingly depressed(ish)? Hard to say.

I dreamt last night (oh here we go - way to bring in the readers Ginny. There is nothing more boring than hearing about other peoples dreams) that I had a tiny new born baby. The first distressing thing was I couldn't remember giving birth. Then I realised I'd pissed it off and the baby hated me. J (partner) kept putting him (bloody hell I think it's name was Andrew! wtf?) in a too big cot that the baby kept almost falling out of. I woke feeling awful but also strangely elated at the vividness of knowing that I had a tiny (hateful) (heh) perfect baby. I was so disturbed and discombobulated by it all that I got up and took a couple of nurofen plus preempting the headache I could feel lingering but mostly just for the lovely, soothing codeine buzz to lighten my mood. I swear I'm not a drug addict ! Just a resourceful nurse.

Does anyone else dream like this? I dream vividly every night and can always remember the minuet details the next day. And sometimes like today, it's so real that it bothers me for days.

God I can't wait for uni to start.

(piss ... the heading? Have you seen this documentary? I love Eric. If I had a million I'd have some mechanic rebuild an old Holden Torana coupe and do the Targa. Driving as fast as you can around one of the most beautiful places in the world? I'm in)

January 29, 2010

Tony Abbott should definently STFU and I can't properly articulate how mad his moronic comments make me so I will too

I'm feeling very disorientated and out of sorts for the start of a year. January is usually spent wiling away all my of annual leave hanging out in the air con reading books or having impromptu kiddie pool cocktail parties in our burning hot backyard. For the past decade I've been working full time and spending my summers as I please. But the call of a wage is strong so I'm stuck in an office day dreaming about the sunshine outside. It doesn't help that the weather is being very uncharacteristic for this time of the year. The days are warm rather than I-think-I'm-in-hell hot and the nights are so cool that I dug the winter doona out of the cupboard. I should probably just be grateful that the whole state isn't sitting on a knives edge wondering if we'll go up in flames.

Due to monetary (and I'm Old) reasons we've only organised one music/festivally thing this summer. Soundwave in a month .. can't wait! Lot's of loud, heavy music plus the added bonus of emo kids to laugh at. It should be good fun. I've also been given a ticket to AC/DC. And here's the clincher ... I'm going with my parents, unlces and aunties. God what a dork. The last time they all saw AC/DC was in some skeezy Melbourne pub in the early 80's so it should be interesting!

And on a lose weight note, I've started exercising properly (every day for the past week .. woo!) and eating a bit better. Eating less? NO. But better and that's something I guess. It's hard to get yourself into a mind set that not eating anything you want when you want is the end of the world. I am seriously obsessed with food. It's a bit of a worry. But I know that when I get back into the groove of not indulging my every whim (if for no other reason than I'm bored) I know it gets easier and easier until I'm back to not being the person that eats too god-damned much. Cutting out the almost daily glasses of wine was easier. The massive hangover I awoke with on Sunday morning helped.
It was worth it though.

January 21, 2010

Urgh with a side of Blerg

I have had a headache since Sunday and I think I'm about ready to shoot myself. I thought it was a migraine but after passing out for 3 hours yesterday after taking imigran I awoke with the worst pain in my head I think I've ever experienced. It was beyond awful.

I was excited when I started to feel sickly on Sunday. "ooo maybe I'm pregnant!". But no, 3 HPT's later and no positive for me. It's for the best though. I really need to lose weight and get back into a regular exercise routine before that happens. Which of course I have been telling myself for 2 months, but Christmas and New Year were so much fun (not to mention ridiculously bloody hot) that I just keep putting it off. I've downloaded the couch to 5k app onto the iphone (god I want to punch myself after reading that back. hipster!) and I really needed to get started. Maybe I will wait until next week when the 40 degree weather calms down and this fucking headache goes away. I'm pretty sure it's sinus related (my sinuses are in a word, FUCKED) and I'm off to the doctor this afternoon for a nice big script for sudafed. Bloody speed freaks ruining it for us all!

Well, this wasn't very interesting! And I have got to figure out how the hell to put a blogroll on the side bar .. anyone? I'm so hopeless.